Needy Ass Bitches

Let me set something straight, I am not a relationship kind of girl. I’m great at flirting, and great at dating (if I do say so myself), but that’s where I hop off the train. This may be an inexcusable character to flaw to some, especially to all those guys I’ve left high and dry after date number three… but it’s who I am and it’s served me well thus far.

That being said, I thought being  sugar baby would suit me perfectly. An older man with a life and a job to keep him busy so he wouldn’t need the constant “How is your day going” and “what are you up to” texts. Boy, was I wrong. SD#1 and SD#2 are turning out to be some needy ass bitches. They text me everyday and somehow don’t interpret my one word responses to mean “leave me the fuck alone”. Yes, once a week I do actually wonder what you’re doing, out of pure boredom and desire for presents or a nice meal. Other than that, nope, not curious.

On one hand, it makes me sad for them. They are just lonely men, looking for companionship, looking for someone that really does wonder about them and cares. On the other hand, that’s what your wife is for. I can fake a lot of things, but this really is a challenge for me. I can’t even be this dedicated to someone I really care about.

I’m trying to be a good sugar baby and attend to their needs, but it does have me wondering, am I cut out for this?

Commitment Phobe

I’ll be the first to say it, I hate commitment. I can hardly manage going to class every week, let alone committing to a human being. I thought committing to be a sugar baby would be easy. You say you’ll help me out financially and I’ll spend time with you. Seems easy enough right? WRONG-O! Apparently these guys are looking for a straight up girlfriend.

I got an email from SD#2 questioning my commitment to the process. He wanted to make sure that I was still committed to the physical aspect of this arrangement… wait, what? When did we agree to this? Are you pressuring me to sleep with you after I’ve met you twice? Uhh.. hell no, I watch SVU. I understand that this is the nature of these relationships but in my eyes it was a total party foul.  I’m probably the worst sugar baby in the history of sugar babies, but come on, guy. I wouldn’t sleep with a guy that I was actually interested in until I was sure he wasn’t a murderer, what makes you think I’m going to sleep with you? Ever?

I replied explaining how that’s just not who I am and we’re going to keep things going at a slow pace. He gives great gifts, so I’m willing to overlook this transgression, but it’s been dually noted.

Gift Cards on Gift Cards

SD # 2. Date # 2. We grabbed dinner at a swanky place downtown after I got out of work. I made sure to put some effort into my appearance, lbd and a cream sweater, I even did a full face of make up. It’s not that I want to impress him, it’s that I want to keep the gifts/interest going for as long as I can without committing to an overnight. Does that make me the worst sugar baby ever? Am I abusing the system? Or am I doing it right? I have no fucking clue. It’s definitely wrong to string these poor souls along but I made it VERY clear in my profile that I’m not interested in sex. Despite that, both have kind of hinted at it. This one seems much more laid back and understanding of a timeline. The first one wants me in his bed like yesterday.

Anyway, I digress. We had a lovely time and talked a lot about his family and mine. I think my weirdness surprises him. I am 100% not a cookie cutter sugar baby. I may have the look, when I try, and my conversation skills hover somewhere between satisfactory and above average, but I just can’t resist terrible jokes or painfully honest truths. This is who I am people, and a pretty dress and dinner with a man promising me gifts isn’t going to change it. Maybe I’m not cut out for this shit?

Again, the looks I got from other people kind of put me off, but whatever, I’m getting a free meal. And gift cards. Three hundred dollars in gift cards to be exact. I’m still waiting on my allowance, which is really what I’m doing this for, I didn’t lie in my profile when I said I’m trying to build my savings! But in the meantime, gift cards will do.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek as we left and thanked him sincerely. I sent a follow up text and really am wondering when I’ll see him again. He makes SD#1 look like such a dud.

Gas Money

SD #1. Date #2. We met around 9 for dinner after I got out of work. He was dressed nicely and came across as much less nervous than our first meeting. I seriously considered cancelling because I was so tired and looking a little rough after 6 hours at work, but I sucked it up and went.

I cant lie, dinner conversation was delightful. We talked about me, about him, about Netflix and about current events. He asked a lot of insightful questions, ones that actually made me pause and think before answering. Seeing that I spend a lot of time alone these days, it wasn’t so bad having someone to talk to.

I’m still working to understand the power dynamic of these kinds of things. He seems to give a lot of unsolicited advice. How to start saving for my student debt, how to determine if I’m lactose intolerant, how to talk to my boss. It seems like every topic we covered came with some sort of advice that I didn’t want/need. I guess that’s part of it though? Of course this young, pretty, college girl cant also be intelligent and 100% capable of managing her own life (minus her finances), right? He just HAS to put in his two cents. Maybe I’m just being easily annoyed, but it was annoying!

After dinner, things got WEIRD. We went out to the parking lot and I thought I’d just hop in my car and drive off. But hold up, date number two and still no gift or compensation? Naw, that’s not gonna fly with me, guy. Ahead of time I had decided that I would bring it up if he didn’t. For that reason, we lingered by my car. Now, don’t worry, this was a well lit, heavily populated parking lot. I’m not about to be putting myself in danger for a dollar. He put his arm around me and pulled me uncomfortably close. I cant have a conversation if my face is pressed into your shoulder, so I kept pulling away. He didn’t take this as a hint and kept doing it. While we performed this awkward dance, we talked about when we’d meet next. He suggested we go out for a drink right then, which I promptly shut down. Aint nobody got time for that. He started rubbing my back and asked if it made me uncomfortable. I said no. Rookie mistake? Or sugar baby star? I don’t want to put him off but I also don’t want him touching me. I’m walking a fine line here.

Finally, the convo winded down and I brought it up. He seemed to know it was coming. It wasn’t weird and I assured him the only reason I was asking was that I was going on a trip that weekend and desperately needed gas money. He checked his wallet and gave me a little over 100 bucks. Sweet. He went in for the kiss which I adamantly avoided and told him I wasn’t ready for, which he accepted.

I know that sugar relationships move fast. They are paying for a service and in my case, that is strictly company. If he was 36, fit, and looking at all similar to Leo, I’d reconsider. But that’s not the case. The downfall of this is that the closer I get to meaningful cash, the more he’ll be expecting. Like I said, it’s a fine line, but so far so good.

The next day I went to Sephora and spent all the cash. Sorry I’m not sorry, a girl needs her argon oil.

Daddy #2

I met my second potential Daddy for drinks after work last week. He was passing though the city and picked one of the more swanky bars to meet. One of the first things he said to me was “Oh, I left something in the car, I’ll be right back.” I was pretty sure he was bailing. It didn’t bother me that I was getting bailed on by an old guy, it bothered me that all the cute young guys in the bar were going to see me get bailed on. What I wasn’t thinking about at that point was the looks those hot guys would give me as I spent the evening getting drinks with someone who could have been my dad but CLEARLY wasn’t my dad.

He returned from his car with a designer perfume, so I can’t complain. I ordered a margarita and endured some idle chatter. I found myself asking questions about his kids, all of whom are about my age. Is that off limits? He told me about his last sugar relationship and the one before that. The “Why are you doing this” conversation didn’t come up for about an hour. He explained to me that he really gets a kick out of the “mentor”aspect of these kinds of relationships. Sure.Whatever you say, bud.

He seemed a lot more comfortable with the arrangement, which kind of intimidated me. He wasn’t nervous and uncomfortable like the first one. To be honest, spending time wasn’t agonizing. I didn’t even try to be a refined, sultry sugar baby, I was just goofy old me and he seemed to like it. Actually, i know he liked it. The next day he sent me a message telling me that he loved our “chemistry” and wanted to proceed with our relationship. I’m not sure what he was feeling, but if it means cash in my pocket, I’ll roll with it.

The First Meeting

Today I met with my first potential sugar daddy. I didn’t know if I’d actually go through with it and had to hype myself up all morning. As much as I tell myself it’s just a business arrangement, its still not something I want anyone to know I’m doing and  feel a little bad about it. I cant possibly have anyone knowing how morally flawed I am! Despite serious consideration, I went through with it. I put on makeup (a rarity in my life), threw on leggings and a low cut top and headed out to meet him for coffee.

He was weird. It was weird. But neither were as weird as I had imagined. It felt like I was getting coffee with a friends dad… although my friend’s dads never blatantly stare at my tits. He had hyped himself up as someone who loved to give gifts, but I didn’t get one. He mostly asked questions about me and school and my schedule.The ebb and flow of the conversation was what is to be expected when you meet someone new. Any awkward pauses were quickly filled by him asking another question about my life. He spoke quickly, he didn’t make much sustained eye contact and he seemed to stumble over his words. His nervousness put me at ease. I had a real feeling of “I’m in charge here. You’re the one trying to impress me.” Which he didn’t.

Our meeting was barely a half hour, he had to get back to work, an hour away. Nearly right off the bat we had the “Why are you doing this” conversation.Uh… because I’m bored and poor and morally questionable? I told him a BS story about a friend doing it and really liking it. So much for that “foundation of honesty” that SA hopes to establish. Next he wanted to talk about money. He made it pretty clear it was a one time conversation never to mentioned again. We’re starting with a weekly payment plan, he said that some girls take the money and run, but I didn’t seem like the kind of girl to do that. He asked me if I needed money right then and I said no. Rookie mistake. Then he told me he wanted to be my only sugar daddy and wanted me to take my profile down from the website (possessive much?) I told him that was fine, even though really I’m meeting two other potential sugar daddies this week. We made plans to meet up later this week and get me a passport. Hopefully not so he can murder me and bury my body in Canada. Whoops, another murder joke. When we left he lingered by my car to “talk privately” in case somebody inside had been listening. He wanted to make it clear that his last relationship had been a sexual one and asked me what I thought about that. I lied again and said I may be open to that down the road, but in all relationships, I like to take things slow. He acted like he hadn’t been suggesting we jump into bed that hot second, but, come on guy. I thanked him for the coffee and headed on my merry way with no gift and no cash.

Overall, I’d say it was a successful business meeting in terms of dipping my toes into the water and knowing what to expect, but an unsuccessful one as a sugar baby. This guy is a bit much for me and I feel like I’d spend more time wondering how he was going to kill me then actually having a good time with him. Tomorrow, I meet another one, someone I’ve been talking to for a few weeks and am actually looking forward to meeting.

Another day, another dollar. Or, in my case, another day, my first fucking dollar.

Stepping into Sugar

After deciding that this is something I can do, I made a second profile on SA. This second profile was more true to who I am and made my intentions clear. While I am selling my time, I am NOT selling my body. I figured putting that out there would at least weed out some of the creepers. I was wrong about that. Within the first 24 hours I had over 30 messages. Some sweet, some vulgar, some were just fucking weird. I tried to read them all and look at all the profiles but before I knew it I had over 100 messages and was totally overwhelmed.

I started weeding them out by whether or not their profile was verified. SA offers to verify the SD profiles in order to make sure you’re not meeting up with a convicted murderer. If he hasn’t been convicted, you’re on your own, kid. Wait, are murder jokes funny in the sugar world? Anyway, if they weren’t verified, I didn’t even read the message. That was still a shit ton of messages. Next, I weeded out anyone who’s message was straight up weird. That got rid of a few dozen. After that, I deleted anyone who didnt ask a question in their message. Great, I’m glad you like going for walks and wine bars, but if you’re not interested in what I like then move along son. That left me with about 25 that I actually responded too. From there, I cut it down further based on what they wanted to talk about (fyi SDs, ending a message with “Nudes?” will NOT get a response) and switched some over to emailing instead of messaging on SA. Now I’m down to 5 that I’m emailing and 3 that I plan to meet up with this week.

Essentially I just preformed an entire sorority recruitment process solo. I knew I would have made a good recruitment chair.

Why Sugar?

Sugar baby. It’s a term I had heard but never really thought much about. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I really found out what sugar baby meant. A good friend of mine told me about his adventures as an escort. Money, trips, and of course, sex. We talked about an escort vs a sugar baby and I found myself thinking, “I could totally do that”. Be a sugar baby, that is, not an escort. That’s when my research began. As a second year grad student, research has become second nature to me. What does the research say? Can it be supported with evidence? What methods were used to verify the findings? These questions run through my head on a daily basis, not just in terms of school work, but in every aspect of my life. Silly, right? I guess that’s what grad school will do to you, force you to be logical.

Anyway, I began to research sugar babies. Blogs, articles, TV, documentaries, anything I could get my hands on. Youtube “Sugar Baby”, the results are ridiculous and I watched every single one. I even made a profile on SeekingArrangement with no intention of ever meeting up with the men I corresponded with, just to get a feel for it. It seemed easy enough, but I still struggled with actually doing it. Could I actually meet up with someone I met online? Could I actually accept money for my time? And the big one, could I actually sleep with someone 20 years older than me for the security of money and gifts? (Spoiler alert, hell fucking no)

Alright, so it seemed like a viable plan, but why on earth would a good girl, from a good home like myself even consider this lifestyle? I’m a normal(ish) girl with a part time job and a future so bright I need shades. But, there are some things I am looking to get out of this whole thing.

1. Money. Duh. I’m not dead broke, but grad school does do a number on a girls’ bank account. I have no idea, nor do I want an idea of how much money I will owe whoever it is that paid for my college education when this thing is done. Having a stable foundation of a couple grand to live off of while I sort out my life wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’ve also half planned a European vacation as a reward for completing 20 years of education. Seriously, I’ve earned it.

2. Money. Seriously… that’s all I want. I’ve read countless sugar baby profiles all claiming to want “life experiences, a travel partner, a mentor/friend, blah blah blah.” Shut up, you all want money. Gifts, dinners, and shopping sprees all sound nice. But I’d rather just take the money and run.

So all it came down to was the moral issue. Could I do this? I wavered back and forth for months. Some days it seemed easy, other days I was sure I was loosing my mind to even consider it. Then, one day, as I floated around in my parents pool, it came to me. A business arrangement. That’s all this is. As long as I go in with clear intentions and make those intentions known, then there is nothing wrong with this. I am NOT having sex for money. In fact, I’m not having sex at all. I’m hanging out with older, lonely gentlemen, and being paid for my time, conversation, and compliments. It’s no different than one of those wing woman business, or a professional snuggler (yes, it’s real, I saw it on Yahoo). I am simply a business woman who is about to dip her toes in a very lucrative business venture.